Boundaries

I am sure everyone has heard the term. BUT how many of us truly understand what boundaries are? 

There are so many different types of boundaries: physical, intellectual, sexual, material, and time boundaries- all important. 

HOWEVER…we are here to talk about EMOTIONAL boundaries. *gasp* Not emotions!! *runs and hides under table*

YES, EMOTIONS. Far too often society tells us that being emotional is a weakness. That successful people don’t show stress, that “bad b*tches” don’t show weakness, that “real men” don’t admit they are sad/hurt/insecure. 

WHERE HAS THAT GOTTEN US!? It has gotten us to a place where:

relationships are broken

families are struggling

faith is falling apart

jobs feel like prison

It is not where we deserve to be. It is not where YOU deserve to be. We all deserve to feel safe and whole and open to being ourselves and expressing our needs to those who are integral to our lives, our tribe!

As emotional coaches and energy healers, emotional boundaries are some of the most important boundaries that we deal with, not only for our clients but for ourselves as well. 

Emotional boundaries refer to a person’s feelings. 

Have you ever felt like you opened up to someone, showed your vulnerable side, only to feel humiliated or judged? I think most people can relate to that on some level. 

You tell a friend that you are feeling stressed and they explain how “so and so” has it so much worse. 

You tell your significant other that you are feeling neglected and they act like it is a personal attack on them. 

You explain to your boss that you are distracted and overwhelmed and they continually add work to your work load without any regard for how you are feeling. 

These are all violations of emotional boundaries! This is the most common way that we see someone’s emotional boundaries become violated:

Invalidation of feelings.

Personal Boundaries are important. Of course, we want to RESPECT other people’s boundaries. That is a no-brainer. BUT we cannot control other people’s boundaries, just like we cannot control other people’s reactions to OUR boundaries.

So, what DO healthy personal boundaries look like?

  • Valuing your own opinion

  • Not compromising your values for others

  • Sharing your personal story in an appropriate way: don’t overshare, but don’t always keep people at arm’s length                

  • BALANCE knowing your own wants and needs AND being able to COMMUNICATE THEM (Yes that’s bold AND caps—it IS important people!!!)

  • Accepting when other people say “no” to them. (**Back to that we cannot control other people, only our reactions.**)

Now the hard part… HOW do we set healthy boundaries, while still respecting other peoples? The good news is, as the wisdomous (I know, not a real word, but cut me some slack, it’s fun) Dr. Suess would say: “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter won’t mind.” 

YES - I am saying that the important people in your life will appreciate your boundaries and while asserting them may create some conflict of feelings, the important part is that conflicts with healthy boundaries and emotionally intelligent people can be opportunities for GROWTH.

Try saying things like: 

  • “I appreciate your perspective, but I still stand by my opinion.” 

  • “I am okay with differing opinions, but I am not okay with being disrespected for mine.” 

Simple things that seem difficult, but allow us to maintain our boundaries.

You may be thinking “all this is great, but where do I start?”

Start small.

Do you have trouble saying no? Do you struggle to ask for help? Do you use the phrase “I’m fine” when you are anything but FINE? Choose one boundary that needs work and utilize positive self-talk to remind yourself that you ARE capable of setting and maintaining healthy emotional boundaries. 

  • “I CAN say no” 

  • “I AM worthy of help”

  • “It is HEALTHY to express my true feelings”

Then go from there. 

The good news is, we at Infinite Healing are here to help. Emotions can be challenging. Learning to recognize our emotions and verbalize them to others can be downright scary. The important thing is that we continue to strive for BALANCE and GROWTH. We can do that together. 

Stay tuned for our next post on Emotional Intelligence

And Remember…

#youbelonghere

- Angel

@InfiniteHealingLLC

Guest User